Have you ever had concerns of your salvation? Have you ever had doubts whether you were really saved? Has the question ever impacted your life consistently as in always with you on the inside, manifesting itself in outward signs of body or life? I have, so much to the point it brought about not really being sure of when salvation occurred.
There are many people who can point to a time, a day, or year etc when they believe you were saved by Jesus Christ. I used to be like that and sometimes I will point to that time when asked but the fact remains that once I had a period of a faith crisis if you will that makes me not so sure. It has been a few years that occurred but I’d like to tell about that time in order to share and to remember.
My problem is I’m the type who finds it difficult to do that in short form without writing out my whole history and 54 years is quite a bit of history! Do all writers have that problem? Sticking to the main idea without getting lost in the details? Well, I will try anyway.
Regardless, I have to start with background.
I was raised in a home with at least a Mother, Grandmother and Grandfather who were Christians, though we were not “religious” whatever that means. We didn’t pray before meals or read the bible as a family etc. From my earliest memories, we children were taken to the church around the corner by my Grandmother and Mother. I remember Vacation Bible School more than anything until I was a teenager. I’m not sure when but at some time the corner church closed.
I remember my Grandmother watched Billy Graham crusades on T.V and I frequently would read the Decision Magazines she would receive from that ministry. I remember when I was quite young my Grandfather was my best friend who taught to me all the beloved old hymns and we sang them together. The best Christmas present I received was a white award Bible from my Grandmother back in 1966 and I even still have it for a keepsake. My Dad didn’t attend Church and my Mother didn’t drive and so after the neighborhood church closed it’s door on Sundays my Dad would drive the family to Church across town and pick us up later.
Later on, when I was in the 5th grade leading up to my rebellious teenage years, we moved to a house in the neighborhood of that Church and I went one year to a school near there before we moved back in to my Grandmothers house. It was at that year that I “accepted Christ Jesus” as my Savior. I was at the G.A camp when I suppose I heard a call during a message at the camp service and went up front to accept the Lord and when back at Church was baptized. It’s funny, but now that I think about it, does a preteen with a fairly normal life really understand the message of salvation and what Sin is? Did Jesus really call or was I just so full of hearing about Jesus all my life, it was just a thing of routine? I mean what kind of life had I already lived in which I could notice a change or not? Oh I know that not all conversions HAVE to be dramatic but there is always a change of heart. But my whole life had already been wrapped around Godly things, Bible and Jesus so did my open confession only bring out something that had already happened somewhere in my younger years or worse yet was it only a routine “I accepted Jesus” that did not save? Well, I believe it is possible that I do not know the real time of my salvation. My crisis of faith story that follows may add more insight. You decide.
My crisis of faith story continues on another page so feel free to continue with me.