Part Five and conclusion, continued from Part four
I suppose by now you are wondering what Panic disorder has to do with Crisis of Faith. In this, the last part of my testimony I’ll try to come to the conclusion of the matter.
I will describe how Fear and faith leads to the mercy of God, and the healing only He can bring. Even though my story has the facts, you will have to use your imagination to insert the doubt, uncertainity, fear, heartache, emotions and pain that lies in between the facts. Think of the things you have dealt with in your life. Words just don’t tell the whole story do they?
After my last job, I was able to stay at home for 3 years. Years in which I was able to be an artist and sold paintings on Ebay for extra money. One year, my husband lost his job and we could not pay our bills. We were about to lose all we owned. I had to go back to work. Even in that God was behind the details.
That’s another story for later. Anyway, I had never worked in a store before yet put in my application for one near my house and got the job. I arrived thin, nervous and shaky. As always, I had my Xanax on hand. The fact that my job was a mere few blocks away to drive probably helped a lot. Unlike the years before, I finally was eating normal, keeping my blood sugar levels good and somewhat keeping away most symptoms as panic attacks had. I still had some pretty bad panic attacks still though. As long as I had my Xanax, didn’t drive far alone and always had my cell phone, I did pretty good. Now, instead of the attacks being the norm for me they would come unexpectedly, still wondering why I felt so sick, why was I so nervous etc, etc. Somehow the smoking habit I still had would be a source of uncertainty in my walk with the Lord Jesus Christ,always had me searching for “was it a sin?” etc. Opinions of course on the part of Christians vary somewhat. I had counted myself as saved for over 40 plus years, understanding that salvation was given by faith and trust in the Cross of Christ. I knew my Bible well. This is the conclusion of the matter of faith and of my healing.
Stay tuned for the Best Part. My solid faith in the Mercy of God and my healing.